I am swamped!

After weeks of staring at my work computer counting down the hours before I could head home, I am finally busy. And by busy, I mean swamped! It appears as though all to-do lists have been lurking near by until the very last possible second when they all decided to attack me at once. Of course, this all happened two days before my site's spring break. Murphy's law: just when you think you can relax, sh** hits the fan.

I appreciate the busy work hour. I feel productive, useful, and finally feel as though I am making a difference. All those hours I spent making fliers is finally paying off as they are headed to the print shop and will be ready to mail out next week. All those days I spent trying to figure out teacher's schedules for student-led conferences finally make sense as parents are beginning to sign up for their student-led conferences. Those days spent in staff meetings, although boring, are showing their rewards as my name is remembered when I walk into the building. Those thoughts that plagued my mind, "how am I going to do this?" are gone as now, I do not have time to think, only time to act.

This week's agenda includes attending another Global Youth Service Day planning meeting, calling Moon-Randolph to confirm our site, begging the Good Food Store to donate food, stuffing 500 envelopes and mailing them to local businesses encouraging them to participate in job shadows, stuffing another 50 envelopes for parents and student-led conferences, staff meeting, going with students to the Wolf Keep, attending another staff meeting, and counting down the days to Spring Break so I can stop having nightmares about work and relax.

February always drags on even though it is the shortest month and by the time I realize it is March, April is already here. My site visit with AmeriCorps was this month and the days preceding it, I was prepared to rant about all my fears, misgivings, and frustrations. I spent an hour the night before rehearsing my thoughts and wrote a formal outline just in case I would forget anything. The morning of my site visit, my supervisor and I had a major breakthrough. I realized that all my frustrations were generally founded and understanding but I need to remember that I have only been here for 2 months and no one changed the world overnight. Somehow, my supervisor sensed my frustration and pulled me into her office minutes before the site visit to hand me a to-do list almost a page long. Finally! During my site visit, I mulled over whether I should I speak up about my frustrations or give a few more months and see which direction things go. I kept my mouth shut.

My days at Sentinel are no longer dragging on. I have so much work to do, I want an assistant VISTA. I work through lunch, avoid bathroom breaks, and rarely leave my office because I always miss an important phone call or email. Did I complain too much and now its all fighting back? I miss the days when I could check my facebook during lunch, or go get an extra cup of coffee just to pass the time. I relish those moments when my calender was empty or I could go home and sleep soundly without having those horrible work nightmares. Even though my days are busy, I still question, does it matter?

The last VISTA spent hours making brochures and this year they are sitting in a box underneath my supervisor's desk. Will my brochures find their coffin in there as well? I was rummaging through files and discovered that I am repeating a lot of the work the last VISTA did. Will my work go unnoticed in unlabeled files doomed to repeat itself for the next VISTA? Is all this work just busy work? Now, the nightmares have changed. Is my work valued? Will change be made? Will all my accomplishments find an untimely death in a computer file marked 'VISTA'?

I trust that these are normal fears and frustrations for any person in the workplace and there is probably no clear resolution. You just have to hope and have confidence that the work you are doing, no matter how small or big, is meaningful.