Monday, April 27, 2009

Smell of Summer

I am not a warm-weather person. I love a 45 degree climate when all you need is a light jacket, jeans and sweater to go outside. However, I do love the smell of summer, it makes me giddy like a 13-year old flirt. I love when I open my door and take a step outside and there is a sweetness that fills the air. I don't know if its cut grass, flowers, or the sun radiating off the hills. Either way, that smell drives me wild. On Saturday, I had to be up early for a service project and upon opening the door my knees weakened. It smelled like summer.

Summer is almost here and while we still have some cold days I am starting to think about our summer plans. I picked up a hiking Montana book to scour out some nice trails in the Missoula area and immediately, I was circling the map, checking driving distances, and already thinking about what to pack. We love camping and backpacking and no longer living in Seattle means we can do this things almost effortlessly.

Being pregnant, of course, I have to limit myself to the easier hikes. So I kept my eyes out for 10-mile overnight hikes and was surprised to find so many of them within 100-miles of us. Living in Montana I have taken for granted the wide range of beauty that is in our state. Whether you want densely forested pine trees, mountains, or ancient cedars, lakes, and waterfalls, or high dessert its all here, it just depends what direction you drive. The trick is figuring out where you want to go first.

There are several 2-day trips that I would love to take, I think it just depends on the weather. I have a feeling the smell of summer will send me somewhere...just anywhere but indoors!

Baby Registry Bonanza

I have started completing our baby registry at Target, mostly because I needed something to do while Dale is at work in the evenings, but also because I couldn't resist! I am overwhelmed and amazed at how much baby stuff is out there. Completing our wedding registry was a cake walk compared to this.

I spend 30 minutes researching, reading reviews, and consumer product safety reviews before adding a every item. I see something I like and then I read the reviews and my heart is broken because the item is unsafe. And I think to myself, why do people even make this cheap stuff that falls apart!!! As a soon-to-be mom, I only want the safest stuff for my baby but I cant afford to spend hundreds of $$$$$. I am beginning to think that manufacturers are again taking advantage of us lower-income families simply because they know we will buy it because we cant afford anything else.

In addition, how much baby crap do you really need. I have a buying guide at home and so far I have just been going down the list registering for higher quality stuff. Then I get to stuff, like air purifier, and I scratch my head and think "is this really necessary" we live in Montana, the air is purified! Does my baby really need a 3 sets of bath toys? Or a diaper stacker? Or bath water thermometer? What happened to the good old elbow method? Have we convinced ourselves that babies need this much stuff? What happened to good old breastfeeding and papooses that our long ago ancestors used....I want to know where they registered!

All this time spent on my registry is important because every item you buy for your child is like buying a car: it needs to be safe and reliable. We only want the best for our children, if our baby owns more clothes than I do, I guess that's the way it should be. Nonetheless, I will still gripe about it. I just wish someone create the perfect mom's registry for those who want safe, reliable, cute, and functional baby items so I can click "okay" on instead of spending countless hours reading product reviews.

Sunburns and Service Days

For the past few weeks I have been spending almost every minute of my free time planning Global Youth Service Day. Funny, that to plan a service project you put almost 40 hours of planning into it before you actually serve! GYSD was on Saturday and now, after weeks of running around frantically, I can finally relax....almost.

Saturday was great, we had 12 volunteers, 4 high schoolers and the rest college-aged. We started creating the community garden that Joseph Residence, a transitional housing unit for homeless families, had recently been given. It was great work. We created an herb spiral--which I plan on building in my own garden, tilled and sifted soil, and created woodchipped walkways. Overall, the day was very successful.

I came home on Saturday and felt I was on the verge of collapse. I was deliriously tired and crawled in bed to sleep for 4 hours. When I woke up I was hot, thirsty, cold, hungry, and weak. Upon looking in the mirror, I saw staring back at me a SUNBURNED face! I never get sunburned, I tan. I guess all these extra pregnancy hormones left my poor face sensitive to those UV rays...as Dale said "you look like Hamburglar". I think I was suffering a little bit from sunstroke as even after the 3 bottles of water I drank and 4 hour nap I was still thirsty and exhausted.

Nothing a little Gatorade, aloe lotion, and rest cant cure. I am still sunburned but its fading quickly.

This is just a reminder to my pregnant self that 4 hours of service work outside may be no problem for most people, but for the pregnant lady, take a break and put on some sunscreen!

Last week, Dale and I finally started documenting my growing belly. I will post pics soon, all I have to say, shorties like me, look 6 months pregnant even at 3 months. I love having a baby belly and while I gripe about pants not fitting, just having Dale rub my belly everyday is enough to remind me of how magical this whole process is.

Monday, April 20, 2009

13 Weeks: Belly and Bozeman

I am 13 weeks today and I still cant believe how fast this pregnancy is flying by. It seems like yesterday that I was showing Dale our home pregnancy test results and now my belly is getting bigger by day reminding me that I am carrying a child.

We had our 12 week appointment last Thursday. I have gained 4 pounds since our last appointment which is right on target. The doctor tried using a Doppler to find the heartbeat but after frustrations he grabbed the ultrasound instead. This was a pleasant surprise as we not only got to see how big our baby is growing but we also were able to listen to the heartbeat. The heartbeat was 159 which was also perfect and from the ultrasound we were able to count 10 fingers and toes and see our baby's little legs, knees, ankles, and feet. Dale is convinced our baby is going to be a boxer as it was positioned like a little Mohammad Ali. No luck finding the sex yet, hopefully we will get that confirmed next month.

My belly has also finally popped. There is no denying that I am pregnant. I catch myself in the window and have to stop and admire my belly. I am short, the doctor even pointed that one out, and I am carrying high in front. Others are also starting to admire the belly which is a little weird as they all want to rub my belly like it will bring good luck. I am sure I will get used to it. (I will be posting belly pics soon)

I was in Bozeman this weekend visiting family and attending an AmeriCorps training. It was so good to be home. They got 1 foot of snow the night before and the town, still snow covered, was beautiful.

We went shopping and my family bought us a crib and diaper bag, both of which are very high quality. The crib is a MillionDollarBaby crib, part of the Kalani collection, and converts from crib, to toddler, to daybed, and full size bed. Its beautiful and slightly resembling of a sleigh bed. The diaper bag is also really cool. Its a JJ Cole bag and has some really nice features, plus its not so feminine looking that Dale will use it. The most exciting part for me was playing with strollers. I have been overwhelmed with stroller options and I know what I want, I just don't want to pay $600 for it. We found a Bumbleride Flyer that converts from rear/forward facing with the switch of the handle, 4-position recline, car seat attachment, and swivels front to back and side to side. The best part, it was only $350. I am willing to invest this in a stroller that is made well and will last a few years. The nice thing is we can use it from infancy to 45 lbs and the stroller itself weighs 19 lbs, way less than others in its class. I cant wait to buy it!! Oh, I also got a lacy bella band, an upgrade from my DIY band.

Aside from all the baby shopping, I was busy attending my training which was long but full of great information on grantwriting and fundraising--all tips I cant wait to use at work. I was so exhausted after three days of training I came home Sunday to pass out for a 5 hour nap!

It was nice to be back in Bozeman. The town is smaller, beautiful, full of positive energy and great people. Missoula is great, but Bozeman is definitely where my heart is. I was so glad to enjoy a wrap from La Parilla and soups at the Garage. My stomach was grumbling for Chinese from Hong Kong City, and of course my body ached for the calming waters of Norris Hot Springs. I was excited to return home to my loving husband and animals but there was a part of me that was very sad to leave Bozeman. I know I will return soon and eventually we will make our home there but for now, all I can do is reminisce.

Sunday, April 12, 2009

The Business of Being Born

After weeks of searching the library I finally found a copy of the 'Business of Being Born'. I was so excited to watch it while Dale was at work. I set up shop on the couch and even put on the projector for a wide-screen movie effect.

The movie was very interesting and offered lots of historical evidence about the myth of midwives. However, I felt that the movie was very one-sided and in the end, I felt guilty, like I made the wrong choice choosing to use a doctor/ob-gyn instead of a midwife.

Midwifery is an important practice and there is a lot of truth about the facts that were presented in the movie. Europeans do use more midwives and have a lower birth rate. It is true that some doctors rush women during childbirth and use more interventions. Overall, it is a personal choice. Women must be presented both sides and be allowed to choose. I don't think bashing the medical field is really a way of persuading women to use midwives.

Personally, I would love to use a midwife. However, this is my first child and I am in constant fear about the process of labor. If something goes wrong, I would like it to be handled as quickly as possible. Living in a rural area that fear is doubled because I don't want to drive 25 minutes to a hospital during a life/death situation. My health insurance also only covers using an ob/gyn. I do plan on making a very clear birth plan and will understand that if after 20 hours of labor and the baby is breech that plan is followed, that is okay. Ultimately, the choice comes down to women and whatever choice that is should be respected and understood.

One thing that came to my attention during the movie was the practice of epidurals and pitocin. I did a little research to investigate the consequences of using pain medication and pitocin. Lake and producer Epstein were correct on this point. Using pain medication during labor slows the process of labor down. When that process is slowed, doctors issue pitocin to increase contractions and speed labor up. Of course, the epidural wears off and more pain medication is given and then pitocin is given and the baby can go into distress. Women in labor should be made aware of that rolling effect. If we practice using natural childbirth the need for interventions may be less likely, but who really wants to deal with the pain?

I was already toying with the idea of natural childbirth and after researching the effects of epidurals and pitocin I have decided that I would like to go natural. Women have been having babies for hundreds of years. Some tolerate the pain some don't, its a personal choice. I have a very high tolerance for pain and I am also very confident about my body to go natural. Of course, when I am in labor and feeling those contractions my opinion may change. Regardless, I am just glad to be informed about the options.

People ask me "what kind of birth are having" and I was so perplexed. Everyone around me has had elected c-sections and I just assumed that was the practice these days. I have come 180 and and am glad to have researched the various options, opinions, and perspectives concerning childbirth. 'Business of Being Born' may have been one-sided but it did inspire me to look further into childbirth practices in order to make a personal choice about my childbirth experience. Ultimately, that is whats most important.

After watching the movie I also watched 'Pregnancy for Dummies' which portrayed a more medical perspective of pregnancy and childbirth. This movie provided very valuable information and made me less nervous about childbirth. For all you moms-to-be wanting a clear answer to those pregnancy concerns, check this movie out!

Friday, April 10, 2009

11 weeks 3 days

I am rapidly the 12 week mark in which I can sit back relax and finally start to realize that this whole pregnancy is real. Because it is so early, I sometimes just forget that I am pregnant. And then I remember that my jeans don't fit, my hair is darker, and why am I so moody!

We have our next appointment next Thursday and we are hoping we will be able to the hear the heartbeat at that appointment. Hearing the heartbeat will undoubtedly send me to euphoria as I realize, "yes, there is a baby in there and (in a very Frankensteinish voice) its ALIVE!". Lets just say I am anxiously awaiting that day.

I have been blessed with a so far healthy and easy pregnancy. I had morning sickness for one day (and now I think it may have been food poisoning). My fatigue is finally easing up as all of a sudden I have had extra energy to dig gardens, clean the house, and work late. What is weird is that all these new symptoms are showing up.

1.) Ahchoo! Sneezing has picked up this week. Every time I turn around, I sneeze.

2.) Congestion! My nose has been stuffed up and every morning I have been waking up with a bloody nose.

3.) Bloody Gums. I guess all the extra blood flowing in my body and the sensitive gums mean every time I brush, I bleed. It worried me at first but now I feel like my teeth are extra clean! No pain, no gain, right?

4.) Indigestion. Tums anyone? I have been tossing these back like candy. After every meal I feel like I need to be burped. We had pizza the other night and I could taste pizza in my mouth for three hours.

5.) Stretch marks. I though these wouldn't appear until further along but my body is already changing and my belly growing. I have stretch marks on my stomach, thighs, and love handles.

6.) Baby bump! I finally noticed it yesterday morning. My jeans don't fit but I thought that was bloat not baby. It is definitely baby. My belly is rounded and hard making pants impossible to squeeze into....so I have started wearing skirts and dresses for more comfort.

I never considered any of these to be pregnancy related but according to every baby book out there, they are. It just blows my mind, that something 2 inches big can change the human body so much.

Milestone this week: I forgot to mention that the baby is now considered a fetus. Next week's milestone will be moving up into the 2nd trimester. Yay.

Wednesday, April 8, 2009

Animal Control, Really?

We were dogsitting today and had Emma (our dog) in the yard with her playmate while we were at work. It was only a few hours we figured they would be fine. Our neighbors are all super friendly and if a dog gets we all politely return the animal.

At 10am Animal Control called to tell me that Emma was picked up by Animal Control. We needed to pick her up, pay the $40 impound fee and then pay $15 licensing fee. So $55 total, we had $66 in our bank account as it was a few days before payday. Talk about bailing your dog out of jail.

We get there and the lady politely told us that Emma was turned in by a neighbor who was tired of rescuing dogs and believed there was a containment issue. We were floored. Emma has gotten out once before and we were home when it happened. She jumped off the deck and ran the next door neighbor's yard (who also has two dogs). The neighbor called us, we picked her up end of story. Well, this time, the neighbor deciding to teach us a lesson, chose to call Animal Control, cost us $55 and eternally piss us off. We paid the fee. Took Emma home and did a little research.

After talking to the neighbors that live directly behind us they informed us that the elderly couple that lives next door to us has some issues. They once called the cops to tow our neighbor's car who was parked in front of their house. After some more investigation, it came to our knowledge that the same couple were the ones who turned Emma in. Now, for the fun part.

That couple has two dogs, both 80-pound labs that are uncollared and untagged. They got out one day and came to our yard. We very nicely put them back in their yard. Two week later, they got out again, we put them back in their yard. Who has the containment issue?

I just don't understand why someone who lives next door would call Animal Control instead of doing the polite thing and calling us or simply putting the dog back in the yard. Emma has tags, we are always around, how hard is it to call?

Dale really wanted to go over there and give them a piece of his mind but he refrained in the end. Now, Emma is on a tie-out in the backyard, barking and whining because of her unhappiness. We are not irresponsible pet owners. We love our animals and we take care of them well. Sometimes, you cant control your dogs behavior, if they see a squirrel they may chase them to Neverland, you just never know.

I feel guilty keeping Emma on a short-leash. So thank you neighbor for making me feel like a jerk to my dog. And by the way, the $55 would have been nice to save being has we are expecting a child, that could have been $55 toward food, clothes, or hell, maybe a college fund.

***This was just a rant, I really am trying to decide what to do about this situation. I don't know whether to confront the neighbor or let it go. Dale wants to sneak over in the night and let their dogs out....just kidding! I am just perturbed by the situation. What's worse is that their are 8 dogs between our 4 houses, every week, one gets out. We always do the polite thing, return the animal. Emma may have just been the last straw but nonetheless, confront me before calling Animal Control.

Tuesday, April 7, 2009

Are we really that annoying?

While in Seattle I chose to be the designated driver so all my friends could celebrate our brief trip and our close friend's return from South America. It was my first night out since getting pregnant and I figured it would be fun to watch everyone get smashed while I sipped on my Shirley temple.

By 9pm I was ready to hit the sack. I was falling asleep at the bar resisting laying my head on the table for fear of getting kicked out. Everyone ordered another round. By 10pm I was wiggling in my seat, sucking down water to stay awake and heading to the bathroom every ten minutes to pee. Another round went around. At this point I put my foot down and demanded we return home, so after everyone chugged their beers we headed home.

I did just drive 7 hours maybe I was just tired and restless. So I decided I would give it a chance the next night.

The next day I had a mommy day. I shuttled hungover friends to breakfast, dropped a few off downtown, headed to park with the dog, only to give her a bath as soon as we got home because she was so muddy, I shuttled another friend to a class, drove to North Seattle to run errands, went shopping at Whole Foods and Trader Joe's, picked up friend and got dinner, started to head home when another friend wanted a ride, dropped them all off, headed to dinner at a former boss' house, went to a concert, picked up husband, and finally drifted asleep at 2am.

Don't get me wrong, I absolutely love being "the mom". Seriously, I used to pack my roommates lunches in college, complete with decorated names. I love cooking for people. Hell, I don't do my laundry but I will do yours. I love being "the mom" and I cant wait until I am a mom.

All this running around was unexpected and when I arrived at the bar to meet with friends I was downhill from there. I observed as everyone enjoyed their beer and cigarettes and patiently sat trying not to get jealous. After my day, all I wanted was beer and cigarette! I listened as everyone laughed and spoke nonsense. We went to a show that I was anticipating starting way earlier but waited around for two hours watching everyone get smashed and once again trying not to fall asleep. Finally, I couldn't take it. I stayed for one song and headed downtown to pick up my husband who at this point was smashed. I laughed as we drove home and Dale sputtered nonsense about this worm hole game. We picked up our friends on the way home.

One of them thought it would be fun to climb a bridge while it was moving up. The other thought it would be a great idea to climb into the back of the explorer with the dog. Some others decided taking pictures in the car would be fun. Flash. Flash. Flash. I was hungry and saw a Jack in the Box. Quick trip, right? Try ordering food for six drunk and hungry 20 somethings. Its harder then ordering for a 6-year old soccer team. For once, I felt sympathy for the cashier waiting patiently to take our order.

I know that I used to be this way. Actually, I was way worse. I drunk dialed family members, went to IHOP insisting on pancakes at 4 am. I got the drunk munchies and would eat a whole bowl of my roommates ice cream without asking. I ran into window panes because I couldn't hold myself up. I fell down stairs. I made out with random strangers. I once even peed on a printer because my drunken state left me wandering for a toilet.

Being DD, I finally had my first opportunity to get a glimpse of those drunken nights. I just cant believe that alcohol can change the human being so much. A completely rational being is all of sudden turned wild with a few drinks. Are we really that annoying? Or am I just being a mom?

Savoring Seattle

We went crazy and decided to drive 7 hours to Seattle only to spend a day and half there. It was worth to see old friends, eat at all our favorite places (which I have been sadly craving since I got pregnant), and it gave Dale and I a chance to talk about baby stuff the whole way there (and back...hehe).

I was beginning to miss Seattle, constantly questioning whether our decision to move was the right one. Missoula is great, we are more relaxed and happy, but living in Montana means adjusting to a Montana salary. Dale is working two jobs and he still doesn't come close to what he made in Seattle. Alas, things are cheaper, gas, milk, bread and the 20% off groceries we have plus no sales tax means our small dollar stretches far.

In any case, we were missing Seattle. I missed my friends and the late night social hour at the many watering holes nearby. I missed the food and the ability to get food any time of night, seriously, 4am pizza is the best! I missed the fact the city is always moving and there is always something to do. I missed lots of things. Seriously, 5 minutes after arriving we remembered why we moved away. The traffic, the people, and the rain.

It rained the whole time we were there. No surprise. I realized that I was in denial living in Seattle trying to convince myself that I actually prefer rain. After three months of waking up to glorious sunshine (even when its 20 degrees) has changed that. We brought our dog who turned into a mud monster with all the puddles and dirt filled parks. Dale complained the whole time that he was ruining his pants which were about 1/2 inch too long and got soaked to his knees. We were both complaining because our beautiful movie star Montana hair became flat and damp within seconds of hitting the rainy city.

The rain must have an effect on people because everywhere we went people were making rude comments, sticking to their reserved cliquish nature, and driving like assholes. I remember Seattle people being so friendly--then again, the only friends I made were through work or school, generally safe places to meet people without getting your head chewed off.

In Missoula, it takes 10 minutes to drive anywhere, whether you are going across town during rush hour or not. In Seattle, I drove 4 miles to return our modem to Comcast and it took 45 minutes. I spent the day shuttling people to and fro and realized that I spent 4 hour driving back and forth....about 30 minutes each way. I very much enjoy living in a city where parking is free and ample, drivers are relaxed, and traffic just doesn't exist.

Those rude people was referring to, put them behind the wheel and you have a nightmare. I almost broke down because I was turning left and pulled partly through the intersection only to have two cars run the light and pedestrians cross the street. I had no choice but to sit in the intersection and wait. In the meantime some guy was sitting in his car pointing at me, honking, and finally drove by and told me to get a license.

Nonetheless, Seattle was not all bad. I enjoyed shopping at Whole Foods and Trader Joes. I got pho at my favorite Vietnamese restaurant and ended my meal with delicious bubble tea. We had breakfast at Peso's, an awesome southwestern style breakfast joint that specializes in biscuits in gravy complete with habanero sausage gravy. The Puget Sound was beautiful, the water cool and refreshing and lets face it even those raindrops were relief to my sunburned face.

Seattle was great. I will always miss it when I am not there and hate it when I am there.

Dale and I arrived in Missoula relieved to see the sunny open skies and traffic free roads. Driving through Missoula that night brought a sigh of relief when I crossed the railroad tracks to see the sunset on my right and historic downtown on my left. We made the right choice and I think we will become Montana's biggest fans.

Monday, April 6, 2009

I am swamped!

After weeks of staring at my work computer counting down the hours before I could head home, I am finally busy. And by busy, I mean swamped! It appears as though all to-do lists have been lurking near by until the very last possible second when they all decided to attack me at once. Of course, this all happened two days before my site's spring break. Murphy's law: just when you think you can relax, sh** hits the fan.

I appreciate the busy work hour. I feel productive, useful, and finally feel as though I am making a difference. All those hours I spent making fliers is finally paying off as they are headed to the print shop and will be ready to mail out next week. All those days I spent trying to figure out teacher's schedules for student-led conferences finally make sense as parents are beginning to sign up for their student-led conferences. Those days spent in staff meetings, although boring, are showing their rewards as my name is remembered when I walk into the building. Those thoughts that plagued my mind, "how am I going to do this?" are gone as now, I do not have time to think, only time to act.

This week's agenda includes attending another Global Youth Service Day planning meeting, calling Moon-Randolph to confirm our site, begging the Good Food Store to donate food, stuffing 500 envelopes and mailing them to local businesses encouraging them to participate in job shadows, stuffing another 50 envelopes for parents and student-led conferences, staff meeting, going with students to the Wolf Keep, attending another staff meeting, and counting down the days to Spring Break so I can stop having nightmares about work and relax.

February always drags on even though it is the shortest month and by the time I realize it is March, April is already here. My site visit with AmeriCorps was this month and the days preceding it, I was prepared to rant about all my fears, misgivings, and frustrations. I spent an hour the night before rehearsing my thoughts and wrote a formal outline just in case I would forget anything. The morning of my site visit, my supervisor and I had a major breakthrough. I realized that all my frustrations were generally founded and understanding but I need to remember that I have only been here for 2 months and no one changed the world overnight. Somehow, my supervisor sensed my frustration and pulled me into her office minutes before the site visit to hand me a to-do list almost a page long. Finally! During my site visit, I mulled over whether I should I speak up about my frustrations or give a few more months and see which direction things go. I kept my mouth shut.

My days at Sentinel are no longer dragging on. I have so much work to do, I want an assistant VISTA. I work through lunch, avoid bathroom breaks, and rarely leave my office because I always miss an important phone call or email. Did I complain too much and now its all fighting back? I miss the days when I could check my facebook during lunch, or go get an extra cup of coffee just to pass the time. I relish those moments when my calender was empty or I could go home and sleep soundly without having those horrible work nightmares. Even though my days are busy, I still question, does it matter?

The last VISTA spent hours making brochures and this year they are sitting in a box underneath my supervisor's desk. Will my brochures find their coffin in there as well? I was rummaging through files and discovered that I am repeating a lot of the work the last VISTA did. Will my work go unnoticed in unlabeled files doomed to repeat itself for the next VISTA? Is all this work just busy work? Now, the nightmares have changed. Is my work valued? Will change be made? Will all my accomplishments find an untimely death in a computer file marked 'VISTA'?

I trust that these are normal fears and frustrations for any person in the workplace and there is probably no clear resolution. You just have to hope and have confidence that the work you are doing, no matter how small or big, is meaningful.