What Day is it Again???

Wow! I dont know where to begin. It seems somewhere between the holidays I forgot to blog---gasp! The last few days Dale and I have both woken up wondering what day it is. It seems by the afternoon we have already forgotten what day it is and ask the question over and over again...



Well, lets not focus on days, rather on months: Kannon is 2 months old!!! I cant believe it has flown by so quick. Some days I feel as though he has been a part of my life forever. Those are days when parenting is easy and our daily routine is smooth and we are all on the same page. Then there are days where I cant believe Kannon is only 2 months....you mean we are not out of the newborn stage yet? For the most part, those days are rare and I find myself only wishing that I could hold on to these moments just a little bit longer as he continues to grow.



Kannon had is two month check-up today and weighed in at 11 lbs even and 22 inches long. The doc said his height is less than exciting but hey, with our genes, 2 inches in a month seems like HUGE growth (Dale and I are both about 5'4). He got his shots today which is the worst torture to put a mother through. I just sat there watching as the doc injected little needles into almost every limb of my little one. I just wanted to pick Kannon up and run far far away. Alas, we made it through the day with minimal fussing, but I am forever haunted by the pathetic inconsolable whimpering that resulted.



Kannon is still suffering from his shots as he has kept Dale and I up for 2 days as it seems he is not comfortable sleeping more than an hour at time. We finally got him comfortable, sleeping tummy-tummy on me while I watch hours of Law & Order from our horribly uncomfortable couch....hey, at least he is sleeping! Hopefully, he will return to normal in the next couple days!



Before the shots, Kannon was sleeping extremely well almost throughout the night. He has decided that he likes to be in bed no later than 8pm. We get him bathed, dressed, and nursed and is fast alseep until 2-3 am, in which he eats goes back to sleep until 6-7am. We are very lucky that he loves to sleep at night on his own but during the day its a different story. Kannon refuses to nap in his room and prefers to fall asleep on his play mat or bouncer with the tv on. We dont mind, except for when we are trying to clean and its impossible to sweep around our passed out baby...our house is getting dirtier by the day, but sleeping babies are happy babies and I would like to keep it that way!




We celebrated Christmas with friends and spent nearly 2 hours opening gifts that were all labeled to Kannon. Needless to say, we are exhausted from the festivities and taking a little break until the dust settles. We recieved so many wonderful gifts! Kannon got clothes, toys, books, and so much more! We cant wait to get him dressed in some of his adorable outfits!



Its new years eve and while we would like to go and celebrate with friends it looks like we will be staying in with our little man has he fights off his frustration and pain of shots (really, I never thought it would be this bad!) so we will throw on a movie and try to get some sleep. Merry Christmas and Happy New Years!

Bath Time!

Kannon loves his bath time. I love his bath time. It is the only time during the day when I get to focus 100% of my attention on Kannon, playing, swishing water, and scrubbing those chubby thighs. He is content,peaceful, happy--I suspect that he feels a little more at home in the warm water. After his bath, we have a little baby massage, get dressed, and nurse and Kannon falls fast asleep (for now 6 hours!) probably still dreaming of his bath time.

Hand Made Ornaments

I meant to post this a few weeks ago, but its never too late! We decided to make some ornaments this year mainly because I wanted to make hand and foot print ornaments for Kannon. So I thought I would share it in case you find yourselves needing something fun to do before Christmas (no baking required!!!).




Hand Made Ornaments (Cornstarch Dough)
Ingredients
1 cup cornstarch

2 cups baking soda

1-1/4 cups cold water


1.) Combine the cornstarch and baking soda in a saucepan.

2.) Gradually add the water until the mixture is smooth.

3.) Stir constantly, over medium heat, until the mixture reaches a moist, mashed potato consistency (about 7-10 min)

4.) Turn the dough onto a plate and cover it with a damp towel.

5.) Knead the dough when it is cool enough to handle.

6.) Roll the dough to 1/4-inch thickness.

7.) Cut with cookie cutters. (Dip cutters in cornstarch and shake before cutting.)

8.) Using a skewer, pierce a hole at the top of each ornament (for the hook to go through later to hang the ornament).

9.) Place the dough ornaments on a cooling rack to air dry. It takes a couple days, depending on how humid your home is.

10.) PAINT!

* Add food coloring to make different colors.
* Roll out the dough into 1/4 inch thick to make foot/hand prints
* Clay may crack if too thick or too thin, so make sure to roll them thin and evenly about 1/4 inch thick.

ENJOY!

Cloth Diapering Journeys

We are in love. In love with our son, our life, the snow, the very decorated Christmas tree, and finally, our cloth diapers. We are VERY in love with cloth diapers. Despite the doubt and resistance we received from friends and family we always knew we would cloth diaper. For those of you who had doubts--we sure showed you!

For the first few weeks we used disposables and every day was a nightmare. I had poop on my legs, shirt, hands etc from EVERY single diaper explosion. I don't know if it was the breastfed poop or what but it managed to find its way everywhere EXCEPT Kannon's diaper. So when that disgusting umbilical cord finally popped off, we slapped on a prefold without ever turning back.

Kannon is almost 7 weeks now and we are still cloth diapering (cd'ing in my world) and looking forward to spending our Christmas cash on a new stash now that Kannon is growing out of the newborn prefolds. For those of you who are looking into Christmas presents, please send diapers! That being said, we have family in friends in town who will be introduced to the cloth diapering world, so I thought I would sort of do a diapering 101 so it wont be so confusing. Enjoy! If you have questions, feel free to ask!


Part of our stash

The Stash:
Our stash is pretty simple. We weren't sure what we were going to like so we started off with 24 prefolds, 2 Snappis, and 3 Thirsties covers which we got used for $48. Then we added 2 BumGenius 3.0s and 4 gDiapers. We also got 36 washcloths for $8 from WalMart which we use for wipes with a spray bottle. We can go 2-3 days between laundering. For our whole stash we spent $98 and our laundry costs are free since the cost of water and electric is already thrown into the cost of rent. Lets do the math: a 36 pack of diapers at $9 last us 3 days. Kannon is 7 weeks old, so had we been using disposables we would have already spent $130 on diapers...can you imagine how much we would have spent if using disposables for a year? Two? On other future children? So, our cloth diapers have already paid for themselves!


Our organization system

Washing:
Laundering is the best part. Instead of bundling up and heading to WalMart for disposables (which can sometimes take an hour or more) we just toss a load in. We run a cold rinse, hot wash, cold rinse with 1/4 of the recommended amount of detergent and a little lavender water. Then we toss everything but the BumGenius and covers in the dryer with a dryer ball. All in all, this process takes an 1 hour and 20 minutes---plus, I get to stay in my pj's the whole time. For a complete list on washing diapers


Kannon in a Little Lions prefold and Thirsties Cover

Prefolds:
These are the most simple and straight forward. They are pretty absorbant and very forgiving, which with the millions of different ways you can wash cloth diapers, we like that simple fact. You can fold them in a variety of ways using the newspaper, jelly roll, angelwing, bikini twist or can fold in threes and stuff in a cover. We use snappis instead of pins and throw on one of our Thirsties covers. We love to use the bikini twist fold, as it seems to do the best job containing all the messy poop and fits the trimmest between our little one's thighs. For more information on folding.


Kannon in his gDiaper

gDiapers:
We were initially really excited about using gDiapers. For the first couple weeks, we used prefolds as inserts and it worked great. Then, Kannon got bigger and getting his gDiapers to fit was more of a problem, in fact, he peed everywhere but the diaper (including onto my 20 year old brother who was not so thrilled about this). So, we started using terry cloth inserts that I found onsale and now we are in love with our gDipes again. Dale likes these because we can keep them preloaded for nighttime changes. You simply place the insert into the plastic liner and snap the liner into the cloth cover and voila. You put it on just like a disposable and when the diaper is soiled, you just toss the insert in the laundry and place a new insert in. These are more expensive than prefolds but have a little more to offer in terms of convenience. For more info on gDiapers.


Kannon in his BumGenius 3.0


BumGenius 3.0:
This is your standard pocket diaper and we have a love-hate relationship with it. The diaper is made of two pieces, an outer cover made of PUL waterproof fabric and lined with microsuede and a microfiber insert that you place inside the pocket. These are easy to keep preloaded and you slap them on just like a disposable. The great thing we love about these is the ease, trimmness, absorbancy (great nighttime dipe!) and they are one-size so they can be used for years to come. However, we still have our issues. We are not crazy about pulling a wet, heavy, stinky insert out of the pocket, especially in the middle of the night. My husband often forgets this step, which leaves me searching through a pile of dirty dipes in the morning to pull out a COLD, stinky, wet insert. Dale hates the price of BG's which are $17 a pop (remember though, you will use these for years!). These are a little trickier to wash and every time I wash them, I feel like I am playing with fire. I am sure it will get easier as we go along. We are still in search of other options, I have heard SmartiPants are a good alternative but we shall see. Really, our complaints are small as these are probably the BEST cloth diapers. If I could afford a whole stash of these, I would probably go for it, but for now, these are our luxury dipe. For more info on BG's.

Dale and I fight every day over what our favorite diaper is. I love the BumGenius 3.0s but Dale likes the simplicity and forgiveness of your standard prefold and cover. We love our gDiapers but we ADORE our BG's. We havent tried your all in one's nor have we ventured onto fitteds. There are so many options from BSRB's, to GoodMamas, FuzziBunz, and more. The makers of BumGenius now offer Flip! and EconoBum. There is so much uncharted diaper territory! Yet, as Kannon gets bigger and in need of something a little more absorbent I am sure we will start exploring more of our options....I wish we could just ask him what he preferred....although, I am guessing he could care less as he has been spending more time pooping the bath than in his diaper!

My Winter Wonderland

They all say "sleep when baby sleeps" but with the loads of laundry, dishes in the sink and the 178 new emails in my inbox, chaos would ensue if I slept when the baby slept.

I am a mom, a wife, a pet owner, a VISTA, and a woman with needs but I am no superwoman and the cleaning fairies stopped coming a long time ago, so when the baby sleeps---I work. Actually, I scramble trying to get as much done during my little one's three hour nap. Laundry is thrown furiously into the washer, the floors swept with rage, the emails carelessly sorted through and if our dog is lucky, she gets a few tennis ball tosses into our forgotten backyard.

Today, I ignored my house, my computer, and my dog. Just as the snow drifted outside, I drifted into my own winter wonderland, with a sleeping baby on my chest, a cat on my feet, and a dog by my side. When I woke up, my little one's eyes peered up at me and he beamed the biggest smile, clearly happy about the arrangement.

My laundry is still talking to me. The dishes are angry. And the dust bunnies are attacking my floor but hey, at least we had the perfect nap.

Road Trip!

Yesterday Kannon and I braved the below zero temperatures and frozen roads to head to Helena for an AmeriCorps "Close of Service" event. I am actually continuing my service with AmeriCorps but I still attended to not only show off baby but say goodbye to those I have worked with throughout the year.

Before we left Missoula, Dale made sure to pack the car with all the essentials--including a zero degree sleeping bag just in case. Kannon was diapered, dressed, and fed, ready to head out the door at 9. He did great. The first 100 miles, all I heard were a few squeaks and grunts. The last 15 miles, however, just when the roads got really icy, he started wailing. He was hungry and those roads weren't going to stop him. All I could do was turn the music up and hold my breath. It was -12 degrees on the pass and there was no place to stop.

We got to Helena. Kannon got fed. Just when I thought my baby was going to hate me forever, he smiled. His first real, big smile. The kind of smile that makes his eyes light up at the sheer recognition of 'Mommy' and he did it the rest of the day.

As expected everyone loved him. He showed off his groovy hair (he has a mullet) and blue eyes. He even demonstrated his super baby strength by holding his head steady, practicing standing-up (with assistance of course) and attempting to roll-over.

While Kannon was busy showing off, I was busy connecting with coworkers, getting advice on resume building, career opportunities, and how to use my education award. Of course, he was not the only one who got to show off. My supervisor gave me a great review.

"Sentinel High School has had the pleasure of being Kat's choice of VISTA site for the last year. She has been a valuable asset to us for the past year.


First, Kat renewed our process for student job shadows and internships which are essential elements in students' career awareness, exploration, and development. Through job shadows students have an opportunity to see inside occupations that interest them. That experience is real life as opposed to being a virtual, second-hand look at an occupation. Prior to Kat's arrival, job shadows had nearly died at Sentinel. Now, just as we see them revitalized, Kat's term of service is about to expire.


Second, Kat has worked to enrich parent involvement at Sentinel. She organized student led conferences for our freshmen teams last spring, she developed a parent volunteer database, and she facilitated a parent evening this fall for parents of freshmen students. And, she did most of this work while awaiting the birth of first child, Kannon.


Luckily, Kat has decided to extend her service and we are thrilled."

We had a great trip and Kannon cooperated the whole time. He fussed a few minutes here and there, mainly do to hiccups that refused to leave him alone. I had him in my MOBY wrap most of the time. Its funny, that I discovered more about my son throughout this little trip than I have most days at home. Kannon is so engaged with the world around him. He loves looking at things, especially shadows, mirrors, and maps. He loves being held, facing outward at the world. He is particularly fond of women with brown hair (I wonder why). He has a habit of grabbing glasses of peoples faces. He refuses to nap when there is so much to see. He is perfectly content sitting in his stroller while I am 15 feet away (dont worry, I had my eye on him!)

We headed home early, in an attempt to cover the pass before dark. Kannon reached his limit and was so tired, he couldn't sleep. After a five minute fuss in the back seat, he passed out for the entire trip home, while I braved the icy roads.

The best part of all this adventure was that his nighttime sleep schedule finally regulated. He fell asleep at 8 last night, woke up to feed at 12 & 5 am but stayed asleep until 9 am this morning. We were blessed with a whole 8 hours of sleep (albeit interrupted).

I am so proud of my son for being such a great baby. I had visions of our road trip ending with hours of crying, tears, and frustration, but it was great! Even more, I am more confident about my abilities to go "public" with baby, despite the spit-up I think I actually appear to have it together. Nursing in public was no big deal. Diaper changes on the couch, floor, and table were no problem. Juggling a baby, a stroller, and my lunch was easy. My only complaint, the dirty diaper never made it to the garbage, rather it stayed in my pocket until Dale did laundry. I guess you cant win it all.

Empty-Womb Syndrome

Delivery Day....40 Weeks 1 Day

Last night I rolled over on my stomach and thought "oh, shi*, I crushed the baby" and then I remembered....I am NOT pregnant anymore.

Last week, Dale caught me rubbing my belly. Today, I found myself staring at the mirror baffled at the return of my nearly flat stomach. I almost cried.

I loved being pregnant so much. I felt great. I had an appetite and ate great. My skin was glowing, my hair thick, and my nails incredible. It was the best I have ever felt in my entire life, so full of energy and happiness.

Now, I am tired. My nails are splitting. My hair starting to thin. My face looks like the ring of fire, covered with zits ready to blow. I am having night sweats. The stretchmarks are no longer a sign of my growing belly. I don't feel like eating--everything looks so unappetizing, including me.

At 39 weeks, I never thought I would say "I miss being pregnant", but I do. I miss it terribly. I loved feeling my belly when Kannon kicked and imagining what he looked like. I loved daydreaming his arrival. I loved that every day was like a science project, analyzing every little symptom and daily change. Don't get me wrong, I love that Kannon is here. I want to cuddle with him every moment of the day. The smell of his skin gets me high. I can stare at him for hours, daydreaming about his growing up. But I want another one.

While my heart feels bigger and more full of love than ever, I am suffering from a little empty womb syndrome. Dale and I do plan on having more kids and I thought that I would be able to wait at least a few years but let's be honest, we are already talking about the next one. (Don't have a heart attack, its not like its happening tomorrow) Funny, how easily you can forget the pain of labor, the backaches, the hourly trips to the bathroom, in favor of another child.

I guess I had such an amazing pregnancy and childbirth experience that I am eager to go through the process again. Kannon has been such an amazing baby that I want to do all over again....of course, if the rumors are true, the second one is always a hellion...I suppose I should tattoo that to my forehead in attempts to keep any more children at bay. Or does anyone know of a cure for empty-womb syndrome?

Mom, Mama, or Mommy.....

The morning of our induction, Dale and I drove nervously and excitedly to the hospital. The stoplights flashed yellow and red. A few headlights passed us. The roads were virtually empty and Dale and I silent. I wondered to myself whether I was about to become a 'Mom', 'Mama', or 'Mommy'. Of course, I kept this question to myself knowing very well that eventually time would tell.

6 weeks later and I am staring blankly at the Christmas presents we just wrapped for Kannon. I still don't know what I am.

To: Kannon
Love: Mom, Mama, or Mommy???

I finally settled on Mommy, since that is what Dale always calls me in front of not only Kannon but our 1-year old dog, Emma. However, it led to me to some serious questioning. What does each one of these terms mean? How does one suit us but not the other? I cant see Kannon calling me 'Mom' as its too serious but 'Mama' is how I referred to my mother, a title I am not yet willing to share. So, 'Mommy' it is.

I almost wrote 'From: Kat' before I realized what I was doing. I am not 'Kat' anymore. I am a mother. A mother to an adorable bundle of love named Kannon. I never thought I would be so excited to finally contemplate whether I am a 'Mom', 'Mama', or 'Mommy' but the question thrills me.

Everyday I am constantly discovering new parts of myself, a new identity that I am quickly adjusting too. I love being a mom. Even in the face of 2 am diaper changes, feedings hour after hour, wiping spit-up off my shoulder and cleaning pee off my face because I (once again) forgot to cover that little wizzer. Parenting comes surprisingly natural and I find myself feeling grateful that I can juggle both baby, dog, and dinner with ease and grace.

The truth is, I am finally fulfilling the role I was always destined for. I have always been a mother. I made sack-lunches for my roommates in college (I even decorated their lunch bags with little flowers and hearts). I watched after my brother day after day with no complaints. I nag at friends and family to quit smoking, clean up, and rise before noon (just ask them). Cleaning comes easy. Cooking for 10 a blessing. I love teaching and even the little snot nosed 5-year olds warm my heart. So whether or not, Kannon chooses to call me--'Mom', 'Mama', or 'Mommy' (a question only time will answer) I am most definitely a mother, and that is a title I am in love with.

Remembering my first love....

Emma Jean, my slobbery, energetic one-year old border collie-lab mix, was essentially my only child. She was spoiled to the bone with daily ventures--walks to the park, swims in the river, and was my car companion, even if we were only going blocks away. Emma snuggled between us, under the covers and every morning she would creep her way up onto our pillows. Dale and I loved taking a moment to cuddle as a family. Of course, we didn't necessarily love the morning dog breath.

Since Kannon was born, Emma has been patient with us. She has been ignored. We don't take her out very often. She gets left at home, babysat by the giant bag of pig ears in our pantry. We bribe her with treats, dog bones bigger than her head, and extra scraps. Her daily walks have become weekly and she hasn't had a good butt-scratching in over a month.

Today, Emma went with me to work. She hung her head out of the window and slobbered in the frigid wind. We made a stop at the bark park on our way home and she whimpered with excitement as we approached the beloved park. I remembered what it was like to walk my dog with a the cool breeze in my face and sunshine warming my cold bones. I savored the moment. Throwing her disgustingly sticky frisbee was no longer a chore as I saw how happy she was bounding after her toy. I used to be bothered by the slobber and muddy paws, but after weeks of being covered in spit-up I have given up.

I was happy. Emma was happy. We headed back to the car, both of us smiling at our adventure. We jumped in the car, Emma quickly climbed into the front seat---just like old times. She doesn't hate me. She is still our first "child" and knows she is part of a growing family. Our adventures may be few and far between but she is happy knowing that we can still sneak away for our cherished walks.

Working Mom...

Before becoming a mama, I thought working and child rearing at the same time would be easy. I wanted to be a working mother, leaving Dad at home to take care of those domestic duties. However, in the last 4 weeks since our little one's arrival, going back to work was about as desirable as jumping off a bridge. I dreaded the day. I had nightmares, sleepless nights, and woke up in sweats. I just couldn't fathom being separated from my little angel. I thought I would forget what he looked liked, forget the smell, and joy of his existence. Alas, the day has come for me to make my return to work.

Kannon woke up to nurse at 6am and rather than put him back in his crib, I savored his presence--holding him on my chest so we could catch a few zzz's before the alarm sounded. Of course, I ended up tuning out the alarm and started my day late for work. I rushed out the door, forgetting the spit up on my shirt, the mascara rings under my eyes, and went another day without a shower. I didn't have time to say goodbye and just passed the baby off like it was no big deal.

I am in my office (have been since 9 am) and I have accomplished nothing. The computer stares at me with doom. The to-do list is dauntingly long. All I can think about is getting home to Kannon--to cuddle, kiss, and hug him. I thought becoming a working mom would be easy but have realized that it is the hardest thing I have ever done. Part of me is empty. What if he smiles? Or laughs for the first time? How will I overcome the guilt of missing those first milestones?

I realized that these hours at work are my only moments of freedom. Even if it is front of a computer, I have a chance to be me. I can blog, get coffee, read a magazine, chat with co-worker--all without juggling a baby. I find that even though part of me is empty, another part of me is full.

I called Dale to check in on baby and he sounded like everything was under control. The baby has been fed and is sleeping contently in his arms. He sounded proud and happy. Now I understand why Dale was so anxious for me to return to work--so he could bond with the baby solo for the first time.

Then, I returned home. I was greeted with that newborn smell and cute face and cuddly hug. Our reunion was sweeter than ever. As much as I would love to be a stay at home mom, the working mom suits me and as hard as it is to leave every day, coming home is easy.