I have been debating whether to share some very personal information on this blog. The story I am about to share is very sensitive to me because it involves my weight loss journey, something I didn't even know the full extent of until recently. Anyways, I have been following a
classmates blog online for years now and have always been stunned by her willingness to be honest about something many of us struggle with--
especially to be young and overweight. I was inspired by her transformation and realized it was time to share my story. So it begins: how I gained and lost 90 lbs.
Yes, 90lbs. I am still coming to terms with that number.
All through high school and college, I had body image issues. I think like every woman, I thought I was fat, even when I wasn't. Yes, I wasn't a runway model, but looking back at those pictures make me wish I had more confidence back then. I should have been wearing skinny jeans but instead I was hiding under bohemian skirts and flowy tops--self-conscious of my body. As most stories go, my junior year of college, I was stressed out, busy with school, and lining up beers and pizza to compensate. So, I put on a few pounds. I don't really know how much. I never weighed myself I just knew my size 8 jeans were suddenly feeling tight. Towards the end of my senior year, I met my husband, who wined and dined me all around Seattle which added some more
love to my lovehandles. I was a size 12 when we got married. I wasn't thrilled about gaining weight but I made no effort to lose it.
My wedding dress in 2008
Then, I got pregnant. I was weighed at my first doctors appointment and was shocked to see such a big number: 177lbs. I didn't feel that big.
Surely, I must have had big bones, right? That number climbed and climbed and by the time Kannon was born I was weighing in at 202 lbs.
Scary, right? My doctor never mentioned anything to me and I didn't feel overweight. I was breastfeeding and assumed I would lose weight, until.....I got pregnant again.
Pregnant with Kannon. D-Day!
I hadn't even lost my pregnancy weight when I got pregnant again. I was not only breastfeeding but pregnant again. I was technically eating for 3 and consuming 2500 calories a day. I tried not to be hard myself. I stopped looking at the scale somewhere around 32 weeks and 220 lbs. I recently came across my labor and delivery file from Clark's birth. When I read through the documents I sank feeling ashamed, disgusted, and disappointed. The nurse wrote in my file that "fetal monitor was hard to place because of patient's obesity". Ouch. Obese. A word I never thought would be applied to me.
Hello, I was pregnant! But, she was correct. At 41 weeks pregnant I weighed 252 lbs. I carried these thoughts with me for a few days feeling depressed. I must have had some crazy hormones because through both pregnancies and after, I felt beautiful at the time, never concerned about weight. Only now, when I look back and see the photos do I realize just how much weight I had gained.
41 weeks with Clark. 252 lbs.
6 months post-baby, 225 lbs.
In November 2012, I got serious about weight loss. I researched blogs, diets, and exercise routines. In November, I weighed in at 189 lbs. Not great, but certainly down 63 lbs from the year before! I thought we had a great diet as we ate local, organic, and homemade breads, cheeses, and yogurt. I did more research on the Paleo Diet and decided it was time to eliminate processed foods, sugar, and grains from our diet. In order to prepare for a transition to our new diet, I did the Master Cleanse. I wanted a clean slate, flush my body out, and I heard positive things from so many. For 7 days, I drank a concoction of maple syrup, lemon juice, and cayenne pepper, followed at night with a, errrrr, laxative tea and salt water flush. I wasn't concerned about the weight loss as I was more excited about resetting my palate and cravings. It worked. By the end of the 7 days (and even now) I stopped craving sweets and everything tasted salty to me. We began our Paleo journey and by January I had lost another 10 lbs.
In January, a friend of mine posted about C25K. If she could do it, so could I. I was never really a runner but I was committed to learning how. My cousin and I set out and started running 3 times a week. We signed up for a 5K and by the time the date rolled around we were prepared. We ran our first 5K on St. Patty's Day in glorious sunshine. It was amazing. We still continue to run and are now doing a 10K training. As of right now, I am running about 45 minutes at a time and 4.5 miles in that time. I want to build up my distance and endurance first and then think about building speed.
Race day!
I stepped on the scale today. I was shocked. 162 lbs. I have lost 90 lbs.
Yes, 90 lbs. I am still having a hard time admitting to that number. Call it denial, shock, disbelief, whatever. I decided I needed to share my story because today it hit me that losing 90 lbs is a HUGE accomplishment--one that I need to be proud of! I would like to make excuses when I look at those old photos--pregnancy, genetics, etc but ultimately, I can't make excuses. I wasn't in control. I wasn't aware of my weight and I was letting food (
eating for 3, remember?) control my life. I could have stayed healthy, exercised more, and ate better but the past is behind me. What I know now is that
I can be in control of my body and my diet and it is not at all boring or tasteless!
Today, 162 lbs.
Today, I can see my collar bone again!
In the past I would go crazy for enchiladas, lasagna, and burgers. My body and cravings have changed so much throughout this journey. Last week, I was craving kale salad and salivating over an orange coconut smoothie. I try to eat a smoothie (with fruit & veggies) for breakfast, salad and protein for lunch, veggie heavy dinner, and snack on nuts and fruit. My one weakness is alcohol. I really need to cut it out completely but having two kids and being busy all day, winding down with a glass of wine or a few beers is my personal sanctuary.
One day, perhaps, when the toddler years are over, ok?
My weight loss journey isn't over. I may have lost the weight but now I have some extra skin and highway map of stretchmarks to show for it.
Ah, my battle scars. Now, my journey will be about building strength, toning, and using workouts for a challenge instead of simply weight loss--although I still need to lose another 20 lbs. I am excited about where this journey will take me. Spin class? Yoga? Crossfit? Rowing? Who knows!
After looking at the scale and feeling confident, I decided to try on my wedding dress--a size 12. It was too big.
I guess I need to buy new clothes.
So there is my story. All 90 lbs of it.
July 2012.
March 2013
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