mama confesses:: milk wars

I am a formula feeding mom.  Trust me, no one knows more about the benefits of breast milk than a formula feeding mom.  "Breast milk is best" is written on every can of formula I have purchased.  I get sympathy looks every time I have to mix a bottle for my son in public.  Once, I even overheard a breastfeeding mother brag about her "natural abilities".  It pains me.  I hurt inside.  I get angry at the new life growing in my belly that took away my milk supply. 

The fact is, I loved breastfeeding.  I savored every moment, cuddled with Kannon in my rocking chair, gleaming at our shared experience.  I long for that day to return.  I can't even remember our last nursing session because my milk supply vanished as quickly as it appeared.  I thought my freezer stash of precious liquid gold would last until Kannon started solids but when I reached for that last bag, I knew it was time to give up.  This was not part of my plan. 

Truth be told, there is no plan in parenting.  You just do the best you can.  I had all these goals and ideas for parenting.  I wanted to breastfeed, co-sleep, you name it and they blew out the window the day I realized my son is not a fan bed sharing.  You adapt.  You change.  You grow just as much as your child.  Parenting is a process, not a method, or a plan. 

So, my son is formula fed.  I love him just the same, if not more.  I also love the baby in my belly and hope that breastfeeding works out the next time around.  Until then, please don't give me sad faces every time you see me reach for a bottle.  And please, I know how wonderful breastfeeding is, so don't rub it in my face.