--Marley and Me
I watch and re-watch Marley & Me. It is kind of a guilty pleasure. I begged Dale to take me to the movie when it was released back in 2008 and I cried the whole way through. At that point, we were newly married, about to move to Montana, and our tears (he cried too) were tears of joy at our burgeoning future.
It wasn't long before we got our own dog and I found out I was pregnant and Kannon was born. I watched the movie again and cried. I cried for many reasons. The movie touched home. Then, we moved, moved again and Clark was born. My life has been a whole lot of crazy lately.
Marley & Me never gets old. I take something away from it everytime. A feeling that I am not alone. An insight into Dale and our marriage. In a way, as silly as it sounds, the movie is my own personal therapist--proof that someone understands.
I watched the movie again tonight and I bawled. Hot tears streamed down my face like a river and for a moment I felt relief. The last year has been difficult but the last month has been a CHALLENGE. Everyday is a test of my patience. Everyday I find myself screaming inside yet smiling for my children. Everyday Dale and I snap at each other for misunderstandings caused by shear exhaustion. It is hard. Somedays, I feel like ripping my hair out, crawling into a ball, and wishing the world would go on without me.
No one tells you hard it is going to be.
But everyday, we get stronger, we grow up, we remember what we are here for. Dale and I make amends and hold each other in the darkness wishing for one more hour of sleep. I wake up refreshed, energized, and ready for another day, challenging or not.
The past few weeks I was unsure of myself. I thought I might be facing post-partum depression. I thought maybe Dale was unhappy in our marriage. I thought I was failing as a mother. I wanted to be strong, I wanted no one to know that this, marriage, parenting, and life is HARD.
No one tells you hard it is going to be. They should also say, it is okay for life to be hard! No one needs perfect smiles, perfect houses, and rays of sunshine gleaming out their ass. Sometimes, we snap at our husbands in public, or walk out of the house with unbrushed air, dirty pants, and food on our face. That doesn't mean divorce is looming by or that we penniless and crazy. Sometimes, that is just the direction life takes us. We make sacrifices, turn off our inner egos and yes, it can be embarrassing but there are more important things to be worrying about than the condition of my pants.
After watching Marley & Me and draining my last box of kleenex, I am refreshed. I am empowered by the decisions that we have made--the steps (and step-backs) that we have taken. We are learning together, growing as a family, and as long as we continue to communicate and love we are doing our best as parents, partners, and people.
Somedays are harder than others but then there are days like this:
Well said! Parenting is a huge sacrifice and I have a very difficult time keeping that in perspective. I feel bad for Guy, he always gets the brunt of it, but it's the little moments, the smiles, the words, the accomplishments, that make it survivable! :) You are doing a fantastic job, so keep up the good work!!
ReplyDeleteps-I hated that movie :)