a day at a time...

I have been neglecting my blog. I hide from my computer when I walk by hoping it doesn't know that I am having affair with my son instead. As Kannon gets older and more alert I am finding that I would rather savor all my moments with him than stare a computer until my butt goes numb.

My computer doesn't smile at me. Nor does it giggle and flirt with beautiful blue eyes. It most certainly doesn't make me burst with love and happiness. A computer doesn't do this, only Kannon has those magical abilities to make me fall in love over and over again, day after day.

Nonetheless it is time I take a minute to reflect. Its almost the middle of January and I had hopes of posting some sort of reflection as part of my New Year's tradition (see blog from last year). So here I am, typing away while Kannon lays on his activity mat, staring at his elephant (he broke up with his monkey) and kicking away.

This time last year Dale and I were braving the icy roads journeying over the passes to make our new home in Montana. We moved out of our tiny studio apartment in Seattle into a huge 2 bedroom house in Montana. I remember walking into our house for the first time and scratching my head with disbelief. Our house was so big. So empty. We didn't have enough stuff to fill those cavernous spaces. In fact our spare bedroom sat empty for 4 months.



But we filled it. We filled it without delay. Before we had time to even unpack we were given a kitchen table, buying a new couch, filling our cupboards with new cooking utensils and rearranging our room to accommodate our new bed. Before we knew it, we were painting nursery walls and building a crib. We have so much stuff now, that we have even moved onto our outside spare bedroom.



But it is not the stuff that matters. We filled our lives with so much more than "stuff". Our walls now echo giggling, crying, squealing baby noises. My kitchen table is covered with a carseat, blankets, and diapers. Our lives weren't empty by any means but now we are bursting at the seams!



Dale and I jokingly mentioned having a baby last Christmas (2008) but I don't think we ever thought it would happen. We have always moved fast. We have always known what we wanted and how to get it. When Dale proposed, we got married 2 months later. When we wanted a baby, we got pregnant 2 months later. Now, our lives have evolved into something so much greater than I ever could envision.



We shared our first Christmas as a new family. Even though Kannon will never remember his first Christmas, it brought the magic of Santa back--more like the nostalgia and anxiety of waiting impatiently until 5 am to open all the presents.

We burst into the New Year by joining friends at a bar....only this time we brought Kannon along. He is not a big drinker yet, but I am sure he will get there someday :)

We celebrated 1-year of Montana living grateful for all our adventures. The year flew by. Emma, our dog, was our first big adventure. Really, she was the beginning of our family, an opportunity for us to see if we would make good parents.



Most of the year is a blur. I vaguely remember camping at Flathead and hiking through Glacier. But, I can tell you what I was wearing the day Kannon was born. I can tell you exactly what time I found I was pregnant. I can pinpoint the moment I felt Kannon kick, roll, and flutter inside. If that is all I remember of 2009, that is fine by me.

During 2009, Dale and I kept thinking ahead months at a time. We were both counting down 9 months waiting for our little man's arrival--hoping that October would happen over night but at the same time hoping for more time to prepare. Now, we are taking it a day at a time. We don't know what our lives will look like next week, next month, or next year. We just know to savor the moments we have as a young family, falling in love over and over again with our biggest adventure of all.



It's not easy or hard. It's just different. We pick our battles wisely. We take time to enjoy the challenges and successes. I don't grumble at 3 am feedings any more, knowing that Kannon will soon be sleeping through the night--our nightly nursing sessions becoming unnecessary. Last night he pushed me away. He didn't want to cuddle on the bed anymore. Rather, he wanted to sleep in his own crib, sprawled out just like his daddy. Even though we take it one day at a time, it still passes too quickly. I find my waking hours disappearing quickly at the start of every new day. 2010 is only in its beginning but I know it will pass by without a blink.



This is why my computer is neglected.

This is why I don't answer the phone or return emails.



This is why I don't want go to work in the morning or even take a shower.

I don't want to miss any moment with my new love, our biggest adventure of all.