mama confesses:: growing up

It seems each week our lives get busier and busier and I realize that I am not the young carefree soul I once was.  I can't sleep in.  I can't ignore phone calls or let my mail pile up.  I can't let the dishes sit for more than a day.  I am a grown up. 

I go to the bank.  I pay bills on time.  I stumble down the stairs at 7 am each day in search of strong coffee and a light switch.

Our dinner conversations are about parenting ideas, cloth diapers, laundry, and budgeting. 

While we are glad we took the risk and moved, we are under stress.  Money is tight.  Bills keep piling up.  Our trust in people (insurance companies, utility companies, internet providers, and banks) is dwindling.  Dale and I are close to packing up and moving to the woods.

To make matters worse, we only have one car to run two businesses and a household.

Sometimes, I want to crawl in bed and wake up a 21 year college student again--skipping class and sleeping in.

Then reality hits.  I see my husband and son rolling on the floor pretending to be dogs.  I see Kannon smile and bounce up and down excitedly when I walk in to a room.  Bean#2 is kicking away in my belly.

I make dryer balls, I sell crocheted and knitted hats on Etsy, I take people's pictures....and I get paid.  I may not be using my degree but I am certainly having fun and its all for my family. 

I wake up, start the coffee, and get to business.  My days are no longer the spontaneous, carefree days I once had...they are so much better.

I take comfort in the routine.  I love knowing that 1pm is naptime for Kannon and I finally get a chance to sneak away and blog.  5pm is dinner and see how much banana Kannon can shove in his mouth at once.  8pm rolls around and we are all exhausted.  I love crawling into my bed knowing that Dale is by my side. 

Yes, this party-going, class skipping, beer drinking mama is finally growing up. Growing up means bigger responsibilities but it also means bigger rewards, finally understanding what your parents were doing all these years, and learning to love unconditionally.