Adulthood

I love reading old posts. I love reminiscing, reconnecting, and evaluating myself b.c. (before child). My writing has changed. I have gone from blogging about menial adventures in my newlywed life to capturing the daily changes of my son. No more struggling to get words out--they just flow freely, full of passion and love for the being we created.

However, I stumbled upon last year's post about my birthday (http://katdale.blogspot.com/2009/01/veterinarians-birthdays-and-my.html) and my struggle to feel like an adult. I mentioned that despite my age, maturity, and responsibility I never felt a day over 16. For whatever reason, birthdays don't bring out the best in me. I guess by the time another birthday rolls around I am already thinking towards the next one. Last year, my struggle was becoming an adult. This year, I transformed. I became an adult.

Last year, I thought being an adult meant having a spare bedroom, waking up at 7:30, paying bills etc. While these things are adultish, they don't encapsulate adulthood. Rather it is a mental maturity that makes you an adult. Some people may have all the things that seem "adult" but lack the maturity to make that transformation. It is a matter of reconciling with your young at heart with your current desires and obligations. Forgoing that extra pair of shoes, in favor of paying for groceries.

I used to love drinking on Saturday nights, staying out late, avoiding my bills, putting off tire rotations and oil changes.

But I no longer desire the spontaneity and chaos of my youth. Now, I balance checkbooks, schedule appointments, clean the house, and long for the status quo. I used to miss our life in Seattle, our days of parading around carefree. I no longer miss that life. It is still a part of me, my history, and how I have come to be...but it doesn't define me and I no longer feel it tugging at my soul.

My biggest desire is to laze around, cuddling in bed with my husband and child. I don't want to answer the phone, or check my email, or go to work. I do it anyway. I do it with pride, knowing that I am keeping my family in order, providing more than just money and food, but happiness and a healthy soul.

Without being asked, I have given up my selfish desires. I have grown up. I am an adult. I put others before myself and constantly seek ways to do better. Ways to become a better wife, mother, and person. I have done all this by choice and without struggle.

Last year, I struggled with becoming an adult. This year, I am an adult. I am a mom, a wife, and so many other things. Everyday I balance my obligations and desires, knowing it will lead to a better future for both Dale, Kannon, and me. The best birthday gift I gave myself was recognizing that the struggle is over. I am content. Peaceful. Happy.