By today's standards, I am a young mom. I am 25 and I have two kids. I love being a young mom. However, none of my friends are married let alone close to having children. I have tried making friends with other moms in meet-ups, coffee shops, grocery stores, and everyone assumes I am the "nanny". As a result, most of my friends are online--mothers I have never met but I still value and respect their friendship.
I am tired of the mom-snobs. I am tired of having moms turn their noses at me when I walk into a coffee shop hauling my two boys. I am tired of trying to make conversation and later be rejected with one-word answers and little acknowledgment of my presence.
For example, I had coffee and there were three mothers there. Our children were playing together, I asked "how old is your daughter". She replied 13 months and then turned away to continue talking to another mother. Um, hello? Was I rude? Was I socially awkward? Did I interrupt her? All these things were taking place in my mind. The truth is, this happens on a daily basis. I make attempts to meet mothers and socialize and I am continually ignored. Why?
Yesterday, I thought I had a breakthrough. A youngish mom was walking with 2 children. She smiled at me, waved, and said hello. I said hello back, we chatted briefly, and then she asked if this was my only nanny-job. Ouch. She said she nannied two other families on our street but lived on Capital Hill. Ouch again.
I am thankful to be a young mom but it comes with its challenges. Especially in a highly educated community like Seattle where moms are waiting until they are 35-40 to start families where we are so separated by an age and class gap. Maybe it is the age gap. Maybe it is the "Seattle Freeze" (Seattleites are notorioiusly anti-social). Maybe it is me. Whatever the reason, I am lonely, tired, and annoyed. I have friends online, friends in other places, and friends with no children. I am happy with that and for now it will do. But sometimes, I have those days where I just want to grab coffee with a mom who understands. That just isn't possible. I need friends!
My friend and I realized last night that this is a problem. Not just for me, but for everyone. 1 in 5 relationships are now started online. Facebook, twitter, and blogs have taken over and we have forgotten our social skills. It is easy to make friends online, unshielded by social antiquities and awkwardness but have we forgotten how to make friends IRL (in real life!)????
So other mothers, young and old, have you faced challenges meeting other moms? Is it just me? Do people think I am a "nanny" or have they just forgotten how to play nice?
I hear ya! I feel the exact same way, could have written this post myself...
ReplyDeleteSame on my end, too! It seems like people just really keep to themselves and have, like you said, forgotten how to play nice! If you still lived here, we could grab coffee! :) We should really learn from our kids on this one...they could (and do!) make a new friend in a matter of 20 minutes. I love being a SAHM and wouldn't trade it for anything, but it really does make it hard to meet other mom friends. Good luck to both of us! :)
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